57 Disappointment with Donors

"...many of our disappointments and much of our happiness arise from our forming false notions of things and persons. We strangely impose upon ourselves; we create a fairy land of happiness..."

This week, I am reading from Abigail Adams’ letter to Hannah Lincoln, written in 1761.

Reflection questions:

• Where are you experiencing disappointments with donors?  Can you release the donor and not the vision?

• As you create a fairy land of happiness, that is a vision of impact, how will you hold the list of donors as changeable?

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Music credit: Woeisuhmebop

Transcript

Welcome back. This podcast explores the wisdom of generosity, from ancient to modern, and the beautiful space where generosity occurs.

At some point, every fund development professional will experience the disappointment of a donor giving far less than we expect or nothing at all.  We can experience a range of emotions.  Even though we understand that we can’t control what a donor gives, what could be one source of these feelings? This week, I am reading from Abigail Adams’ letter to Hannah Lincoln, written in 1761.
Quote.
“And now let me ask you, my friend, whether you do not think, that many of our disappointments and much of our happiness arise from our forming false notions of things and persons. We strangely impose upon ourselves; we create a fairy land of happiness.  Fancy is fruitful and promises fair, but, like the dog in the fable, we catch at a shadow, and when we find the disappointment, we are vexed, not with ourselves, who are really the impostors, but with the poor, innocent thing or person of whom we have formed such strange ideas. When this is the case, I believe we always find, that we have enjoyed more pleasure in the anticipation than in the real enjoyment of our wishes. 

Dr. Young says, “Our wishes give us not our wishes.” Some disappointments are, indeed, more grievous than others. Since they are our lot, let us bear them with patience. That person that cannot bear a disappointment, must not live in a world so changeable as this, and ’t is wise it should be so; for, were we to enjoy a continual prosperity, we should be too firmly attached to the world ever to think of quitting it, and there would be room to fear, that we should be so far intoxicated with prosperity as to swim smoothly from joy to joy, along life’s short current, wholly unmindful of the vast ocean, Eternity.”

Unquote.

The irony of our work is that we must create a fairy land of happiness.  Before we make an ask, it is vital to imagine, vision, and outline how a donation will impact our work and the community. We anticipate the good that we - with the donation - will do.  That creates so much excitement in us, within our team, and in our organization. Next, we begin brainstorming the donors who will be just as excited as us. We then invite those donors to imagine that impact as well. And then. And, then, what happens when the donor says no or not that much? Well, it is our lot to receive nos from donors.  So, how can we create this fairy land of happiness and yet not be crushed with disappointment?  Abigail Adams gives us some clues.  We can’t mistake the wishes for the person with the wishes for the vision.  And, we must not become too firmly attached to the list of prospective donors.  Instead, we expect the list to be changeable. When we do that, there will be surprises along with way.

Let’s reflect on two questions this week:

Where are you experiencing disappointments with donors?  Can you release the donor and not the vision?

As you create a fairy land of happiness, that is a vision of impact, how will you hold the list of donors as changeable?

Share this podcast if you enjoy these five-minute reflections and subscribe to receive these reflections released every Monday. To explore fundraising coaching deeper, visit Serving Nonprofits dot com. See you next week.